Ah, the waning days of summer! Warm days, cool nights, sizzling BBQ’s, and perhaps some exploring. 

Or maybe not as Trump’s war in the Middle East rages on and his trade war with Canada intensifies.

Even with exorbitant fuel prices and the world increasingly unstable, the inevitable “where did you go on vacation?” reared its head again in a recent conversation.  My summer did not go as planned and I found the question more than a little annoying.

How do most Canadians view travel? Flight Hub and Arlington Research asked 1500 Canadians where they’d rank travel on their list of priorities: 32% said travel was a necessity, 46% describe travel as a luxury and 22% described travel as “nice to have” but not crucial. Luxury or Necessity: How Canadians Rank Travel | TravelPulse Canada

The survey found that the majority of respondents (60 percent) consider travel a major life milestone — that’s higher than homeownership (58 percent) or earning a high income (44 percent).

Interesting.

However, many of the Boomer, Gen X and Millennial respondents revealed they already owned a home and were earning in excess of $100,000. Gen Z respondents were more likely to see travel as a luxury. 

Perspective is everything, isn’t it?

Maybe I’ll travel again and maybe I won’t.

It really doesn’t matter.

I’m finally living a life I don’t need to escape from and that’s the best trip of all.

Wait a second though!

I did take a trip down a familiar road.

It’s one I’ve travelled many times.

The Guilt Trip.

Perhaps you’ve travelled there too? 

Just what do I mean by guilt-tripping? It’s when one person, either on purpose or unintentionally, tries to make someone feel guilty, remorseful or bad about their decision or choices. The guilt trip is designed to make someone change how they think, feel or act.

Thanks to a strict religious upbringing and a few master manipulators, I carried guilt from an early age. Layer after layer, the guilt packed on and it was heavy. I wasted a lot of time feeling guilty for things that weren’t mine to carry.

Who uses guilt-tripping? Probably all of us at one time or another to help us get what we want. 

I get it. It seems like guilt is the only way to motivate some people to do anything these days. But over the long term, guilting someone into behaving a certain way won’t produce a desired, sustainable outcome.

Still some have made guilt their specialty.

Typically, guilt trips occur in our closest relationships: family, friends and romantic relationships.  The guilt-tripper knows that the other person cares for them and doesn’t want to cause pain or distress.

Some parents subscribe to a secret playbook that outlines how to maximize guilting their children.

And they’ve nailed it.

 “After all I’ve done for you” is a popular one.

Or “You never call.”

 Or how about “I’m getting older, I won’t be around forever” to name a few.

While it is true that most guilt tripping comes from family relations, I’ve fallen prey to master manipulators in other areas of life too. I’ve been guilted into many things like assuming additional responsibilities when my plate was already full.

You can protest until you are blue in the face. It doesn’t matter to a master manipulator. They aren’t listening and they don’t care what you have to say.

Signs Someone Might be Trying to Guilt You

• Making sarcastic or passive aggressive comments
• Reminding you of their hard work or how much they do for you
• Bringing up past mistakes so it seems like you never do anything good for them
• Stating that you owe them
• Calling you a bad person, friend or partner
• Acting angry or distant but refusing to talk about what’s wrong
• Giving you the silent treatment

There are a lot of people only too happy to tell others what they “should” or “need” to do. They slather on emotional manipulation like butter on freshly baked bread.

Instead of open communication, passive-aggressive tactics can make you feel responsible for someone else’s happiness, pain or loneliness.

That’s not healthy.

We don’t have to fall for the manipulation. There’s a few things we can try: respond with empathy, while also maintaining a boundary; acknowledge the person’s needs; request they express their wants directly while also respecting your decisions.

After years of shouldering things that weren’t my responsibility to carry, I now say “No thanks!” to the guilt.

That’s one trip I can easily pass on.

Your Turn:

How do you view travel? A luxury or a must have?

When was the last time you experienced a guilt trip? How did you deal with it?

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Did you know I take music requests? We’ll dedicate today’s song to the guilt trippers, the liars, manipulators (aka “meanies”) out there.

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