The world is full of patterns.
Traffic patterns keep vehicles moving in a safe and orderly fashion.
Scattered, fractured, mosaic, serpentine and spiral patterns can be found in nature.
In mathematics, numbers, shapes, symbols, or objects are arranged where a specific rule or logic operates throughout.
I still chuckle when I recall the year my Home Economics teacher “tried” to teach me to sew. I followed the pattern, a wraparound skirt, but when it came to the finished product? The skirt was miles too big for my gangly teenage body.
Same result with mittens. In my defense, that was more than a beginner level project. Tension is everything in the world of knitting and my baby pink mittens were man size, a color too radical for any man I knew in the mid 80’s. Thankfully, some things have changed – at least for some.
I can’t explain why the patterns didn’t work for me. I’m not really one to follow the rules – especially if they don’t make sense. Could that have something to do with it?
Have you heard the expression “this will do me out?”
Hell, we might have used it a few times in this household for ongoing property maintenance.
Is there a universal age when homeowners tire of upkeep?
When you consider that a home is likely THE biggest investment you will ever make, is that the best strategy? To let things slide – leave it for someone else to deal with?
I know.. things are expensive. Believe me, I know only too well.
I’ve observed other patterns over the years.
If something stops working or breaks, there is no need to save it (unless you are into small appliance repair.)
Is there a sane reason to hold on to a mountain of stuff until you die? Is 10 sets of sheets necessary for 2 beds? Mugs for 35 people? Why not share the wealth, your goods, with someone that could use them ?
For reasons I can’t yet explain, we’ve normalized generational wealth as a garage, shed and house full of material possessions.
The unfortunate souls cleaning out your place will spend countless hours and weekends, even precious vacation time, clearing what you leave behind. They will rack their brain, or at least I have, trying to rehome what they can in a world awash in stuff.
Instead of inheriting a pile of boxes and unnamed photographs, wouldn’t your family prefer you break the pattern of generational trauma? The pattern of avoidance?
What about the toxic patterns of narcissistic abuse?
A narcissist doesn’t just act immature. They are immature because their emotional development was halted at a young age. They didn’t learn how to accept accountability and responsibility, or how to handle truth, criticism, and other people’s happiness.
Narcissists will throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want. They will lash out in anger when they face truth and criticism. They are so jealous they can’t bear to see anyone else happy.
They use people. And there are no limits, not even their own children.
The narcissist loves that they can easily upset you. They can make you angry. Cause you to react. They can even make you sad. They get a high off this because it gives them a sense of control. It makes them feel powerful.
In case you had any doubts, they know what they are doing. They are keenly aware when they screw you over financially, emotionally, psychologically.
No conversation, text or email will make them suddenly “care” or validate what they did to you.
THEY ALREADY KNOW.
But here’s a secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to know – they are terrified of abandonment. So they will do everything they can to “make” you stay rather than “want” to stay.
It’s about control.
Narcissists are self-sabotaging and destroy anything good in their path. Deep down they know they aren’t deserving but superficially, they appear egotistical and act like they are the best thing since sliced bread.
The narcissistic pattern.
Breaking free from a narcissist will be the greatest gift you can give yourself. You will lose an energy, life-draining parasite.
And the narcissist? As they age, with looks fading and their energy supply mostly exhausted, they lose the respect they so desperately crave. Alone and lonely, they live in constant fear and suspicion, facing the same pain they caused others. They die unfulfilled and regretful.
That’s one pattern that seems fitting to me.
If you’ve wondered why I talk so much about narcissistic abuse, my Complex PTSD is the result of narcissistic abuse from toxic family members, work environments and people I called “friends”. I’ve spent a lifetime learning about and trying to heal from it.
Welcome to our recent members! Thanks to all for continuing to spend time here.
On a whim and with some intuitive nudging, I started a YouTube Channel Disentanglement – YouTube while clearing my family home. With 17.9K views, it struck a cord.
I’m learning as I go so keep the comments kind. Let’s see where it takes us!
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