“At least you still have a job.” (Said to someone expressing burnout or toxic workplace stress).

“At least you know you can get pregnant.” (Said to someone who experienced a miscarriage)

“Everything happens for a reason.” (After a huge loss)

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

“Good vibes only.”

Happiness is a choice, just choose to be positive today.”

“Don’t be so negative!”

“You’ll never get anywhere talking like that.”

The above are examples of toxic positivity, the act of dismissing, suppressing or avoiding negative feelings in favour of a positive mindset only.

I admit, I’ve used a few myself.

Sometimes it’s necessary to set aside difficult emotions in the short term to get through a situation. Denying negative feelings for longer periods is harmful to our health because complicated feelings don’t get processed. Toxic Positivity | Psychology Today Canada

Positivity, optimism and gratitude are traits that can help people flourish.  Positivity becomes toxic when used to reject negative emotions.

So It’s Okay to be Negative?

With so many books and popular culture focused on positive thinking, have we been brainwashed to believe we should be happy all the time?

Evidence shows positivity can improve mental health and assist with favorable outcomes when faced with a problem.

That mindset becomes toxic when we believe upbeat thinking is the only solution to problems.  Toxic positivity requires a person avoid negative thoughts or emotions – regardless of the challenges they are facing.

Humans experience a wide range of emotions.

Negative feelings can be uncomfortable and difficult to navigate but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel them. Suppressing our feelings fails to resolve the underlying problem, and can also breed guilt, shame, sadness, and anxiety.

Emotions offer important insight; they show us what needs to be examined, what needs to be worked on. Properly managed, emotions can lead us to a fulfilling, happy and meaningful life. Honestly expressing how we feel also fosters authenticity, which is key to our well-being.

How Do We Know If Our Positivity Has Become Toxic?

Not every comment is toxic. If someone says, “Look on the bright side,” they may not be trying to diminish your feelings. And you may not take it that way.

But if your negative feelings are constantly rejected or downplayed, and if you consistently feel like you must feel or behave in a way that undermines your emotions, you may be experiencing toxic positivity.

Research suggests that looking for silver linings is beneficial in situations we can’t control, like a job loss.

But is it helpful to remain positive when one’s identity is threatened? When experiencing racial oppression or sexual discrimination? The answer is no. It can lead to lower well-being.

Offering Support To Others

People who exude positivity and avoid negativity usually have good intentions. They may think they’re offering encouragement and support. Or they may not know what to say during a difficult conversation and wind up saying the wrong thing.

Haven’t we all been there?

While toxic positivity may not be ill-intentioned, it can still be unproductive and hurtful. Relationships are built on vulnerability, trust, and authenticity. It’s key to understand how to acknowledge and support other people’s emotional experiences.

How Do I Avoid Toxic Positivity?

Acknowledge, accept, and reframe your response. Instead of saying, “Think positive,” say something like, “The way you’re feeling is valid. What can I do to help?”

The same approach applies to your own thoughts.

I Never Learned How to Deal with Complicated Emotions. How Do I Do That?

Start by acknowledging your feelings to yourself; explore them with curiosity and acceptance rather than judgment. Write them down or share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member.

Get to the root. Where do these feelings come from and what do they mean? Then reflect on how you might change the situation. Coping skills like mindfulness and deep breathing can help. Seek support from a mental health professional if required.

Lately, I’ve shared a few details about my family dynamic. This hasn’t been easy.

I have carried the shame, the burden of family dysfunction for decades. Like many families, we kept the peace rather than processing hurt, anger or sadness. I became the strong one – but also the one who accommodated – at great cost to myself.

Hiding emotions increases stress and breeds long-term resentment. Individuals feel unseen and struggle to open up about genuine mental health challenges or distress.

There’s nothing toxic about being honest about how we feel.

Let’s end on an upbeat note (for real) – no toxic positivity here!