“If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness and creativity”  – Eckhart Tolle

As hubby Chris can attest, because he’s been subject to my musings, I’ve been giving my overactive mind a real workout lately. And while I know it’s not good for me or my recovery, it’s hard not to worry and wonder about what comes next … for me personally and for my writing goals. 

I mean… I have plans but are they the right ones? 

The lovely social worker who helped me address some childhood trauma through ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) helped me realize that at a very early age, we’re taught to distrust our intuition.  The need to conform to societal expectations from parents, and teachers is great, and we learn to doubt ourselves.  It’s taken a while to rebuild the relationship with my inner voice and I still have doubts — boy, do I ever–, but the reconnection with my old friend is coming along well. 

Understanding my life’s purpose is something I’ve always struggled with.  I moved from job to job – spending the first part of my career in sales and then retraining to become a real estate appraiser.  No degree, certification, accreditation or number of letters behind my name gave me true job satisfaction.   

Honestly, writing this blog is the closest I’ve come to feeling like I’m making a difference. And that’s what it’s always been about. I remember the little voice telling me “You need to help people” in high school when I was struggling to figure out what direction to take after graduation. But what did that look like? A career choice is not an easy decision for any 17-year-old or any age as I’m figuring out. I envy those with a clear vision for their life – it’s something I never had. 

I know that things will work out for me. As I look back on my life, they always have.  In fact, things have usually worked out better than I could imagine. I have no doubt this will be the case this time. All in good time. I’m still recovering after all.  

In addition to my personal dilemmas, this blog also has a bit of an identity crisis. Or so it might seem.  Does it really?  Or does it seem that way because I’m not doing things the “normal’ way?   

Here’s some facts: I knew before I started this blog that it was going to be about much more than burnout. I’m happy to share my story in the hopes of preventing someone from something as significant as severe burnout. Burnout was my catalyst, and it opened my eyes to things I’d been too busy to notice or be curious about. I don’t think you need to experience a burnout to find most of my stories relatable on some level.  

I haven’t been as excited about any job as I am about writing. Ideas come to me at various points in the day – while taking a shower, or going for a brisk walk. Or I wake up in the night with an idea and start drafting something in my head.  Trust me when I say, no previous job ever lit me up like that – at least consistently. 

I wish it was that easy – I’ve found what I love but the money hasn’t followed, at least not yet. Trust me, I have no illusions of instant success. I realize now why so many of us stay stuck in jobs we hate – forging a new path is not for the faint of heart. Still, blogging gives me freedom to connect with readers, share some ideas, and heal myself through writing. My editor, Bill Hunt, is a kindhearted soul, patient with my ramblings on paper and face to face.  Michael is my cheerleader and sounding board. 

I know this is where I’m supposed to be at this moment in time.  Readership is steadily increasing; I get some statistics from WordPress, and I am thrilled to know people drop by from across Canada, the US and other countries. Thank you so much for your interest! 

There comes a time when you must take a leap of faith and put some energy and resources into your dream. My time is now. My little voice, or intuition, has been talking.  Gently at first but it’s getting louder. 

But how do I do that? Technology has reduced our attention spans to almost nil.  So how do I describe this blog in the 5 seconds of your attention I have? Social media is fractured and how or where do I focus my attention to grab yours?  Last fall, I was so focused on promoting the brand on various forums that I exhausted myself.  It seemed like I left the hustle of one job for another.  I’m not going there again. 

And while somebody was making money from my efforts (ahem…Mark Zuckerberg), it wasn’t me. I’m far too tired to make XX new posts, add XX new followers, make a reel, etc. at least on Meta’s schedule. Still, I know that many people are spreading the word about this blog through Facebook (and other mediums) so it’s not all bad.  A big thanks to those that are helping in this way!  

I’ve struggled with privacy concerns when it comes to content.  I’ve shared some deeply personal information.  I’ve tried to respect individuals in my orbit even though I know should the tables be turned; I wouldn’t have the same respect.  I know some of you are my cheerleaders, following along and rooting for me. Thank you. There are those who are silently struggling and may be benefiting from knowing you are not alone in this.  I’m happy to have you share my journey. 

There are also dark forces at play – those that are along for the ride with the same curiosity as those gawkers at a grisly accident scene.  And unfortunately, there are those who are ill-intentioned. 

While there’s been nothing that couldn’t be rectified so far, I’ve had attacks on my Facebook pages and this blog from bots, scammers and the creepy posts of “I noticed your adorable profile, let’s be friends”. Ick. As a woman, I feel vulnerable. A female in cyberspace is an automatic set up for even more assaults.  It’s offensive and unfortunate that I must always be on guard. The world wide web and the real world have some work to do to improve things for women. 

As someone who’s spent their entire life over-giving and over-sharing, my blog was starting to feel the same way.  So, I made the decision to gate all but the most recent posts (with consultation with Bill and Michael of course). If you’re a subscriber, nothing changes.  But for those of you who drop by from time to time, you don’t have free access anymore. I need to feel safe.  And yes, I want to increase subscribers. Will you have to pay to read the content in the future? Maybe? But for now, nothing changes except a subscription – you have my word and I will always give you fair warning should anything change. 

I’ve subscribed to various newsletters and my inbox was flooded.  That won’t happen here. You will receive 3 emails per week. No fee. You can unsubscribe at any time. 

I’ve made many discoveries this year and I have lots to talk about. Things like the upcoming election (you knew I’d have something to say about that, didn’t you?), religion, trauma, grief, work, aging, books and movies, in addition to chronicling my recovery.   

I’ve been blessed to have two dear friends and career writers, Bill Hunt and Michael Staples, kindly share their writing talents with you and I.  I feel we’re building an online community, but I guess that’s up to you to make that determination.  

It’s a conundrum to forge a new path in this fractured world.  I’ve sought the advice of experts and some offered good advice, others not so much, but ultimately, it’s time for me to trust my inner compass.  It’s never failed me and it won’t this time. 

So, here’s the hard part for me: an unabashed request to subscribe. And please keep liking, sharing, and commenting about what you read.  It’s working!  Keep the momentum going!  Thank you! 

I discovered I really like country music – at least some of it. The softer sounds are soothing to my nervous system these days. “Make a Life, Not a Living” … isn’t that what life is all about?

Did something you read resonate this week? Drop me a line at lori@disentanglement.ca

We’ll chat again in seven days!