Before we go any further, this is not a post about the reality TV singing competition series. Given I’ve never watched the show, I can’t chime in and I’m not about to join the choir. Besides, I don’t have a microphone (yet) although I do have a few outlets to get the word out.

All joking aside, as I continue to reflect on life (is this a norm as we age?), I ask myself when I lost my voice. 

No, I’m not referring to a bad bout of laryngitis.

When did I stop believing that what I had to say was important?

I suppose the seed of silence was planted as a child. Narcissists like control and I learned early you will never win an argument with one.  Besides, children were to be seen and not heard in those days.

It’s unfortunate that the education system was structured so that we stayed mostly silent while lesson after lesson was thumped in our heads.  Not much autonomy there when even bathroom, exercise or food breaks were carefully orchestrated into the curriculum.

Same goes for church. Listen to the leader. Do what he says. And for God’s sake, don’t ask questions.

Ever find yourself with a medical condition and you felt like no one was listening? If you are female, I can see you frantically nodding in agreement but it can happen to anyone. You relay your symptoms to the professional yet you sense they have already made their diagnosis. You leave the clinic feeling unseen and unheard yet again.

Those meetings when the smartest people in the room (self-proclaimed to be clear), raised their voice yet another octave to prove they are the brightest and best?  Each voice grew louder than the previous to ensure they outshone the last. They were looking to score – brownie points with the boss, I guess? Those voices live to impress and let me tell you, I could have used a nap after one of those sing songs.

It got so bad at one workplace that I considered selling tickets to the show.  Who am I kidding? This was the norm in almost every place I worked.

Let’s give the patriarchy it’s due. You know, the social system that believes men have the authority to hold power in politics, the economy and family life? There’s no doubt it played a starring role in silencing my vocal cords. 

Guys, if you’re reading, this is not an assault on your manhood but it is time for some truth. You aren’t the only one wearing the pants.  Most ladies would wear them more often if our clothing included pockets.

I mean really. Isn’t it time for the patriarchy to roll over and play dead? Actually, it just needs to die. Not a slow death but a sudden, bloody one. After all, it’s time for the good old boys to experience menses firsthand.

Don’t misunderstand, I don’t condone violence of any kind but men must keep their hands off women’s reproductive rights. Period.

I have worked for and along side some of the most narcissistic, misogynistic and sexist males.  I can’t explain how they got their titles because rarely were they the most qualified or even the most experienced. And several, not all of course, were lousy when it came to leadership, being a good role model or inspiring their staff to be the best they could be.

Men have ruled the world since ? and to put it diplomatically, it’s not working out so well.

The world is long overdue for more inclusion, fresh faces and bold ideas.

Standing up for yourself in systems designed to keep us small (and silent) is exhausting. My lips kept moving yet no one was listening. When I think about it, it’s a miracle I can come up with any words at all.

If you’ve had a skill and lost it, whether it’s doing math in your head or cursive handwriting, you’ll know it takes time and practice to get it back. It’s been a pilgrimage to find my voice again. To find the strength to share my story in a city where everyone knows everyone.

I’ve been called brave by some, strong by others and I’m certain there are others that wish I’d just shut up.  Because the truth is, they don’t look so good in this story.  Some look horrendous if the truth is told. 

There is power in words. Let’s use our voices, share our stories and let others know they are never alone. We’re all in this together.

Can you tell I’m trying to spark conversation? You don’t have to agree with my every word, in fact, I hope you don’t.

I want to leave you with something to think about and also remind you that we can agree to disagree and still be friends. Maybe you’ll drop a comment on the Disentanglement.ca Facebook page or on the blog.

Comments are moderated to keep the peace but so far you are a very respectful group and I’m grateful.

Do you have a story to share? My reserve is running low again. Drop me a note here.

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