Editor’s Note: I want to take a minute to thank you, the readers, for being a part of my journey. Sharing deeply personal experiences isn’t easy and I know some of my topics might be uncomfortable for some including today’s. I believe we are more alike than we are different but not all our experiences are the same. One of my objectives for this blog is to create a space where we can appreciate opposing points of view in a respectful way.

Religion was a hot topic in my family – isn’t it in most?  Our family had various religions springing forth including The Church of England, Evangelical Baptist, and Jehovah Witness. With such differing beliefs, no one dared utter the word “religion” at the dinner table.

Do you ever wonder why we’re discouraged from talking about our belief systems?  I do.  Wouldn’t our world be more peaceful if we learned to have rationale discussions that consider varying points of view?  

With a population of approximately 8 billion people, I was curious how many religions exist in the world.  Brittanica lists 18 with the top five being:  Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, agnosticism, and Buddhism.

I was raised Christian (Baptist) and in my youth, I spent a lot of time in church, Sunday School, prayer meeting and youth group.  I drifted away from religion as an adult because church felt stifling, with a long list of rules and expectations and a lot of accompanying guilt. My critical thinking skills could no longer accept being told what to believe and how to live.

Many religions believe theirs is the right and only one.  This narrow view has resulted in wars, conflict, death and loss.  The war in Gaza? Why would anyone want bloodshed, death, starvation, disease on innocent children and adults? 

Let’s not forget the 9/11 tragedy at the hands of extremists under the guise of religion. Or members of the 2SLGBTQI+ community that are persecuted in the name of religion.

How about the religious war waged on women’s rights around the world?  Should we expect a woman or worse, a child, to carry a baby to full term in the instance of sexual assault?  Or when posing a health or safety risk to mother or child? 

Where is love and empathy for our fellow man?

It’s impossible for me to ignore the role the church played to assimilate various cultures through the history of civilization.

I look at the world and I’m angry for the role religion has played in society.

I’ve been unraveling my personal religious trauma or religious resentment as its sometimes called. It turns out there might be more to my anger than I initially thought.

When my father ended his life, not only was I a heartbroken teen, but I sat through a funeral service that preached hellfire and brimstone to all who did not believe. Imagine a teenager grieving the loss of the most important person in their life and hearing that message. 

Years later a religious type informed me that “suicide is a sin”. It was a hurtful and insensitive comment. I was already haunted by the possibility my father could spend eternity in hell and I couldn’t save him.  As if the guilt that comes with suicide wasn’t enough to carry without that added burden.

There were “tribulation and end times” movies based on Revelation, a book from the Bible, that put Hollywood’s apocalyptic movies to shame. I was terrified.

I’ve watched many stuck in unhappy, controlling or abusive relationships because the religious rules dictate they must stay. I was in that situation myself for a while. I can’t accept we are meant to live in misery for the sake of religion.

I struggle when I hear that people reject MAID (medically assisted dying) to end suffering on the basis of religion.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the hypocrisy. By human nature, we are all flawed and no one has a right to judge another.

In researching for this post, I stumbled on the Ashley Hamm Counseling website. She writes that those from a highly controlled religious environment may have difficulty in expressing anger and responding to stress.  Anger may display as:

Anxiety – You may have felt powerless because you were taught you could not talk back or disagree with the pastor, teacher or God.  Instead of getting angry, you stressed about how you would manage the situation.  

Self-Criticism – You may have been required to examine yourself regularly for sin and wrongdoing.  Those beliefs become engrained, and you assume responsibility for any difficulties you encounter in adulthood.

High control religions emphasize conditional love – love that can be taken away if you fail to conform.  Without even realizing, you might have adapted by being highly critical of yourself to avoid losing people.  However, constantly trying to earn love by sacrificing yourself creates anxiety and low self-worth, and a lack of authenticity in your relationships.

Passive Aggression – With rules that must be followed and disagreements discouraged, you may have learned that speaking up for yourself doesn’t go well. You were taught prayer was the solution to everything. You learned to deny your feelings. Often, you just needed to talk the situation through with someone. 

It’s only in recent years that I’ve opened up about my religious resentment. I felt it for a long time but it seemed as taboo as politics or sex. I must say, I gained a greater self-awareness while preparing this post.

It’s time to shine a light on some of the burdens we carry in silence believing we are alone.

What are your thoughts? Are you beginning to see there are many factors that contribute to people pleasing and burnout and many are not our fault?

I realize not everyone had similar childhood experiences but it’s time to consider other points of view.

How do we move forward with such polarized views on religion? Can we start with more respect for one another’s opinions? If Christianity or any form of religion brings you peace, I respect that.  If it brings you joy or hope, that’s great but do me a favour will you?  Please don’t impose your beliefs on others. 

Religious resentment and trauma is real. Decades later, some of us are still working hard to disentangle those limiting self beliefs.

Released in 1971, this song sparked controversy with some believing it was a call for a world without faith. Others interpreted it as a desire for unity beyond religious divides. Like John Lennon, I imagine that someday soon this world will find peace.

Our numbers keep climbing! Creating something new is challenging and I’m grateful to everyone who spends time with us. Special thanks to each contributor who freely shares their talent. I’m grateful for what we’re building here.

Tell me your thoughts about today’s post or anything you’ve read. Would you like to see more Disentanglement.ca through the week? Are there topics you’d like to see? Drop me a line via the contact page. I love to read your comments on Facebook or the blog.

Haven’t subscribed yet? Sign up now so you won’t miss a word. It’s free! We’re now publishing 4 days a week – Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday! Keep spreading the news about Disentanglement.ca on Facebook and Instagram and by word of mouth.