On one of our early morning walks, my dog and I came upon a new home being built. Like most construction sites, a blue portable toilet is close at hand and this site was no exception.

Now, on this particular morning, I heard a voice and I swore the porta-potty was talking! I looked around for a minute because it was kind of unnerving. As we approached, I realized the “facility” was occupied and the occupant was on the phone. I’ll reserve comment about that but trust me when I say that for a fleeting moment, I was convinced the blue box was speaking to me!

It’s only in the last few months that I realized how badly my brain has been compromised by the burnout. Recently, while making the weekly grocery list, I wrote spaghetti “sauce” when I really meant spaghetti squash. It was only when my partner questioned me, did I notice the error. Our freezer is full of homemade spaghetti sauce and I really didn’t need another bottle!

Or there’s the time we went to visit family for the weekend and I stood staring at the suitcase wondering how on earth I could pack clothing for a few days stay. The feeling of overwhelm, stress, anxiety was a lot. It was only after meditation and a lot of deep breaths was I able to successfully pack. Did I take more than I needed? Sure did! But I wasn’t about to judge myself in my present state. I was just happy I had enough clean underwear to last the weekend!

There’s also been instances where I wanted to cook. This was another happy moment because before this burnout, cooking brought me great joy. However, by the time I gathered the required ingredients, I stared at them wondering how on earth I could turn them into a banana bread, or chicken meatballs or whatever the flavour of the day was. Usually, I am successful but it takes at least double the time to accomplish the familiar task.

I’ve learned to rely on my day timer for my daily planning. I make a list of anything I need or want to do, check off each item as I complete it and move an item forward to the next day if I can’t accomplish what I’d hoped to. With limited physical energy and diminished mental capacity, I have to prioritize my tasks and preserve precious energy.

I mentioned before how little I understood burnout. And 5 months later, I still don’t understand completely. I do know it’s more than the common misconceptions like stress, or feeling tired and irritable. My therapist explained that decision making is difficult in this state which explains some of my challenges. I was encouraged to focus on healing myself and reserve any big decisions for later.

Recently, my cognitive condition was compared to menopausal brain fog. That is simply not true and such a statement shows the ignorance that exists about this endemic.

Trust me when I say, I’ve never experienced anything like this and I hope it soon passes. Until then, on days when the porta-potty talks or ingredients don’t magically prepare themselves, I’ve learned to laugh. It is the best medicine after all.

How has burnout impacted your life?

I’d love to hear from you. Please comment on any articles that you find meaningful. Or send me an email. I promise to read and respond to every note.

Follow along with me on Facebook. Share the articles you love with your Facebook friends.

Thanks for reading Disentanglement! Be the first to receive new posts by becoming a FREE member in community.