Phew! Isn’t this a loaded statement.

As children, we are taught to weigh a certain size, wear our hair a certain way, or we will somehow be less. We watch our mothers or other role models refuse a tasty dessert and eat only salads, go on fad diet after diet, just to have that perfect hour glass figure. Society promotes an unhealthy and unrealistic image of the female body. Cosmetic companies prey on our insecurities to boost their sales.

It’s little wonder that most of us have unrealistic expectations about our weight. I’ve always been a healthy eater with a healthy appetite. However, as the decades passed, I wasn’t able to eat as much or whatever I wanted without weight gain. And I beat myself up for it even though weight gain is common during menopause.

Enter Covid 19 with its uncertainty and I gained more weight. I could blame the stress and uncertainty of the pandemic for mindless eating but that would be a lie. I’ve always used food to numb my emotions or to pacify me if I was bored. M&M peanuts have been a particular favorite.

Being mindful of the quantity I eat is a work in progress. I’ve noticed I still reach for the snack cupboard if I’m upset or stressed. Perhaps there will be more about this in a future post as I continue to explore why this happens.

In the last few years leading up to my burnout, I was eating so mindlessly that in late 2023, I remember a particular day when my eating had skyrocketed. Despite a full stomach, decent meals and tons of snacks, I continued to mindlessly eat until I thought I’d be sick. My lack of control actually frightened me.

In late December of 2023, I joined Weight Watchers because willpower wasn’t enough. My clothes were tight and I just didn’t feel good in my body anymore. I needed a program that kept me accountable and allowed me the flexibility to eat healthy food I could prepare at home. There are many delicious recipes available on the app that helped me feel satisfied. It was a slow weight loss and I lost almost 30 pounds in about 7 months. It was only after researching burnout symptoms that I understood that changes in eating habits may be a symptom.

But far more important than losing some extra pounds was the weight that was coming off mentally since my burnout diagnosis – the weight of people’s opinion of me, of limiting self beliefs and conditioning that I’d been carrying around since childhood. I had no idea what I was in for – I was about to shed every misconception I had about myself.

My therapist told me we spend our youth, twenties and thirties experiencing life and the rest of our time seeking to undo all of that. Truer words were never spoken.

Do you use food to numb emotions?

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