Something is happening and I don’t pretend to like it.

Civility and social etiquette, of any kind, is dead.

Okay, maybe not dead exactly but definitely on life support.

Please and thank you?

Those words are used so rarely now, it’s a shock to my system when I hear them.

If only people understood how meaningful it is to know your time, your gifts, your thoughtfulness is valued. 

Do we grasp the universal law of appreciation? If someone feels appreciated, they will go above and beyond for you. If not, they likely won’t. Resentment creeps in and they’ll find a space they do feel valued.

That rule applies in relationships, in the workplace and especially in a volunteer capacity.

But this runs far deeper than a simple please and thank you.

Over the last little while, I’ve had numerous close encounters of the communication kind.

Some of those communications were DOA.

Yes, Dead on Arrival.

Days, weeks, even months passed. No response. 

If I didn’t know better, I could almost believe other recipients were figments of my imagination because the conversation abruptly dropped and never resumed leaving me wondering “What just happened?”

“Did they die?”

Keep in mind this was in a professional setting. You know … the kind that pays the rent, groceries and gas?

Look, I understand. We can’t be “on” 24 hours a day and no one should expect it.

I also understand people are being stretched beyond what’s humanly possible right now. But when we put more emphasis on productivity and less on connectivity?

It’s time to rethink our approach to living if you ask me.

I can’t pinpoint when or how the lack of civility in a professional setting became acceptable. 

Or communication avoidance, lack of manners, or lack of mutual respect in any environment.

I understand the demands this world puts on people, I really do.  I burned out from it, remember? But these things matter.

I’ve gained so much respect for small business owners and not for profits that are juggling social media promotion while trying to manage a business. Maintaining the Disentanglement Facebook and YouTube pages has taught me so much.

I try to be responsive to comments because it’s all about connection, right?  And I truly enjoy each interaction with you. I love what we’re building but it can feel overwhelming at times.

Texts, emails, messages on social media, phone calls.  It’s a lot of demands on a person’s time and focus.

Beyond the ether, there’s real world stuff to do as well. In my case, it’s researching, writing, and trying to find contributors. Sourcing contributors is the part I like the least.

I lost count of the times I’ve been blown off since approaching possible blog contributors. I don’t want the exact number because I’d be filled with despair and would likely throw in the towel. It’s got to be close to 100.

This blog isn’t for everyone. I don’t expect everyone to rush on board.

But it is rude to stand someone up for a meeting, or make a commitment you can’t keep, or not respond to an email request. I’m not singling anyone out. It’s a general theme I’ve encountered with professionals of all stripes, community leaders, members of the clergy, elected officials, retired journalists, business owners and people I know.

Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t consider my experiences a fluke. It’s considered acceptable these days.

It’s normal. Except it isn’t.

When pillars in the community aren’t setting a good example, what hope do we have for those that come after?

Everyone’s time is valuable and should be treated as such.

There is one situation where unresponsiveness is completely appropriate: when you have clearly indicated you no longer wish to have contact. You’ve stated that the behaviour makes you uncomfortable, you’ve noted that numerous boundaries continue to be crossed and yet communication continues.

That’s harassment.

If it continues, it’s time to involve the police.

I can’t be any clearer than that.

I guess my point to this tirade is … yes, we’re all busy. We’re juggling too many balls in the air.  Life asks too much of us but if we can’t make the time to respond? Be courteous and kind to one another?

That tells me all I need to know.

Do you miss Emily Post? I sure do! So much in fact, I wanted to create an etiquette column in the blog. Sadly, I couldn’t find anyone up for the task.

I did stumble on this page on Facebook: The Polished Society Project . There’s lots of great etiquette tips there.

I’m still searching for contributors. Curious? Drop me a line!

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